Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Mama's Boy - Good thing or bad?

I'm going to act as if I didn't disappear for several months (I need you to play along). Let's just say if I did actually disappear (which I'm not admitting to doing) it was necessary for me to move forward. Now that I've gotten that out of the way...

Understanding that most of my readers are female, I have a few questions to ask. Is dating a "Mama's Boy" good or bad? Does it matter to you? Do you feel the relationship a man has with his mom is indicative of how he'll treat you? Am I reading too much into this? As you may already know, most of my close friends are female. Because of this, I have already heard several responses to these questions.

I am extremely close to my mother. In the past I have been called a Mama's Boy. I never viewed this as an insult. Should I have?

All I Need Is 1 Mic - Find your mic

How many people can say they truly enjoy their work? Are you one of them? I recently changed careers (once again). Fortunately for me, I was taught the value in enjoying what I do. The need to make money still exist, but the importance of feeling fulfilled is as important for me. I have been able to consistently work in areas that I chose. These jobs were chosen because at different times, my passion led me to different places. Having been raised by my mother (those of you who know her just laughed), I'm not shocked that I haven't foolishly feared changing careers. I say foolishly only because some fear is expected.

The new job requires me to do much more than I initially expected. The new job has already required me to work some weekends. The new job has consistently caused me to go to work early and stay late (often on the same day). I am currently doing so much more than I expected to do when I accepted the job. Guess what? I have enjoyed every moment spent working on the new job. I am not shocked. Not at all. That is who I am. If I didn't enjoy the new job, this posting would probably be about me leaving a job I expected to be great. In a short period of time (less than 3-months) the impact I've made is clear. This isn't my opinion. This is what people have shared with me. I get excited knowing that this is only the beginning. I have so much more to offer and learn as I better understand the job. I truly hope all of you can feel what I've been fortunate to have felt several times.

If you aren't doing something you love, be careful. It has been proven...we can't get time back. Avoid being in a position where you have to ask yourself why didn't I value me or my time enough?

Monday, June 29, 2009

Break The Cycle - R.I.P. M. J.

I understand that for some this is a touchy subject. However, I also understand that there is a valuable lesson to be learned from this story. All of you that are interested have already searched the Internet and watched at least one of the many televised specials searching for answers. This posting has very little to do with M.J.s impact in music throughout the past four decades or the opportunities his success has led to in the entertainment industry. It has nothing to do with the questionable health of the King of Pop. This has everything to do with the poor decision making by the most popular entertainer in history. Michael Jackson has sold approximately 750 million records worldwide. He has 13 Grammy Awards and 13 number one singles (only counting his solo career).

With all of the money earned over the historic career, how could Michael Jackson be in debt? Remarkably, the answer is simple. The King of Pop died in debt due to poor decision making. The reason for the poor decision making may never be known, but the fact remains the cause of the enormous debt is poor decision making. As I stated, there is a valuable lesson to be learned from this story. It isn't necessary that one be a millionaire to learn from this tragic story. The principles behind financial management are the same for one earning $40,000 or $4,000,000.

With frivolous (a.k.a. STUPID) spending being pushed primarily through the "new hip-hop" culture, should we expect more financially appalling stories? Why are so many people foolish enough to follow the blueprint for financial ruin? The formula is simple; if you earn $50 but spend $100 you will end up in debt. Are that many people incapable of living within their means? Is it because of societal pressures or personal ignorance? There are many lessons in this sad saga, among the most crucial is the often ignored obligation to becoming financially educated.

Tell Her Today

Well, she is a woman. She may not say it, but she loves to hear those words. It doesn't matter if you're her son or daughter. Your mother and mine love to hear "I Love You." For them, it serves as a thank you. Thank you for all of the sacrifices made. It may remind them that they're sacrifices were worth it all. Although Mother's Day has passed, there are still numerous reasons to show appreciation for all she has done.

So often life proves to be an interesting cycle. If you're lucky, life starts with many people expressing their love for you. As one gets older, the unfortunate reality is realized...many of us hear those three words less often. However, most would agree the one person who remains consistent is MOM. Big Bro. and Little Sis. still love you (probably as much) but for various inexplicable reasons they say it much less. Then we (generally speaking) have children and accept that it is all about them. They need to know that they are loved. They need to be told how special they are. They are arguably the reason we hear "I Love You" much less. Very few of us would choose feeding our ego over properly developing a child's self-esteem and self-worth. Throughout this process (only if you're lucky), MOM has never stopped telling you "I Love You." If you are really lucky, she even calls you that embarrassing alias before expressing her feelings of affection.

Now that you recognize how good those words help you feel...go ahead...call Mom.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

HYPHEN

Have you ever been surprised by how you looked in a photo
Were you ever shocked by your voice on a message
Do you ever question who you are
One of the hardest questions I’ve ever been asked was
“What will my dash represent?”
Yeah, that dash between the year you’re born & the year you die
Wow, kind of tough to answer (right?)
Well, pictures always surprise me & my voice always shocks me
I guess I am still learning who I am
I’ve been told I’m cute; but I’ve also been rejected
I’ve been told I’m funny; but not everyone laughs with me
Many have said I’m smart; but I’ve never averaged a 4.0
Can I be a role model if I too seek one
Can my dash represent unanswered questions?
Organized confusion? Utter chaos?
Damn, maybe it represents –




Okay, so now you know how I came up with the name My Hyphen (for the Blog & poem). I hope you enjoyed my poem. Please share your thoughts/comments with me. I'll share more with you in the future.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Sweet Potato Pie

Sorry for the delay, but I have had a rough couple of weeks (like most of America). Now I am back with a great post from www.people-places-things.blogspot.com
This will prove to be the wording for some of those feelings many of you had during your college days. For others, this can help you add to the list of reasons to dislike a sibling (not really, but do you ever need help adding to that list?). Oh well, I hope you enjoy.

I had to get a story off my chest that I’ve been thinking about a whole lot lately. And it has nothing to do with "style" in the traditional sense. But, I’ve been wanting to share this conversation I had with my mother some years ago for a minute and that desire has increased since Barack Obama became President. And then last night when I learned of the allegations against singer Chris Brown involving songstress Rihanna, I knew I had to post it. It might take me a minute to get to the point of this but stay with me please, there is a definite jewel at the end of this (kinda long) story.

About seven years ago, a friend and I were discussing being away at college in my kitchen while my mother cooked. I joked that although my mother sent food to my brother while he was away at college, I never remember her doing the same for me. It was one of those moments when I was joking, but not really joking. I proceeded to share with my friend all about how my mother would bake sweet potato pies from scratch, freeze them and overnight them to Virginia from New York and how my brother and his buddies in his dorm would inhale them in less than 48 hours of receipt.

Now while circumstances were indeed different when I went away to college (I didn’t live in a traditional dorm and had access to a full kitchen so I could always cook when I didn’t want the cafĂ© food, I wasn’t as far away as my bro was, etc.) I still felt some kinda way about not getting those pies overnighted to me like my big bro did. My mother being the type of mother she is could sense this and politely said to me, "One day when you have a son of your own you’ll understand."

I didn’t get what she meant by that until a few years later. But when I did finally get it, it was like someone dropped a piano on my foot. The world, yes even with Barack Obama being President, has a way of putting Black men through the wringer. Really, through the ringer. And no I’m not claiming that all Black men are created equal because in my opinion, they are not. For every Barack Obama there is a shiftless, non-child support paying dude who thinks the world owes him something. Please understand that I realize this. But there are also a lot of Black men who have unfortunately never been told their worth. Never been introduced to the likes of Thurgood Marshall or
Vivien Thomas or even Floyd Flake. And so when you’re only shown negative images of yourself, constantly at that, you typically start to believe them. See, now I understand how homemade sweet potato pies help to balance that a whole lot. They let you know that someone is rooting for you. That someone has your back unconditionally and is supporting you and your dreams and aspirations. As a woman, I am now usually able to tell when a man has had someone bake sweet potato pies for them at some point in their lives. It isn’t always their mother either. It might be a grandmother (I think that was the case for Barack), it might be an aunt or grandmother, it might even be a teacher.

There is an old adage that goes something like "Black women raise their daughters and love their sons." On the surface, some might think that is what I’m reinforcing in this blog post. But it so isn’t. On the contrary, I hope that folks see I’m saying it is even more important that we encourage Black men to get and keep their ish together. Sweet potato pies, to me, can actually help to do that. These pies can be in the form of genuine encouragement, a hug or a smile. I’ve had situations occur with my brother, male amigos and Mr. TK of walking into a "posh" hoity toity boutique to know that they experience ish I don’t even think twice about, even as a Black woman. (By the way, for every time that my mom baked a sweet potato pie for my bro, my father was going in on my brother and riding him about something. Trust. But that’s a whole ‘notha post for another day…)

My mother has actually been
sharing her wisdom on life with me over food for a while now, perhaps that is a southern thing. Mom, thanks for the love and the lessons, as always. Now, can you teach me how to bake a sweet potato pie?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Verbal Medication

“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Michael Jordan
If the second best NBA player since the 80's (behind only Magic) has a concept of necessary failures, why shouldn't you.
It is much easier to offer this advice than it is to put into practice. I have recently grasped the concept of necessary failure and now better understand how to use this to achieve success. During the last two years I have matured in leaps and bounds. I have grown much more than the calendar reveals. Life's lessons are often more significant than any other type. I've been told "Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain." This quote may provoke different reactions for each of us. Whatever your reaction, keep it in mind. The next time you contemplate quiting, go back to that reaction...remember what you vowed to do next time...now DO IT.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Daddy's Little Girl

Okay, I must start by saying I am not a Daddy (except to my dogs). However, I do have nieces and a few god-daughters. The relationship with one of my nieces is rather unique. For various reasons there is a great bond between the two of us. She is currently spending her SPRING BREAK (I miss those) with me. Just my luck...her first morning with me she gets some bug. It appears as though it is just one of those 2-3 day stomach bugs. These quickie viruses seem to be more annoying for the care-taker than the bug carrier (at least from my view point).
It is my opinion that many children view non-parents as potential victims; or at least I did. Two of my three nieces (one more than the other) often test how many hoops I'll jump through at their command. I think I'm somewhere on their wrist, not totally in the palm of their hands. As I stated, one niece is currently ill. For the last 24hours she has appeared to be helpless. The first 12hours involved a fever, vomiting, and a lack of energy. This morning I am questioning whether or not she is faking. I am having a difficult time knowing I may be getting punked by an eleven year old. Is this a Man Thing? I'm really asking, please answer. Why are guys so shook when children they're caring for get ill? I've followed Grandma's rules for caring for sick children... you know... rest, ginger ale, and soup. So far, I'm not sure if its been enough.
Something tells me that I'll add to this posting in the upcoming hours. This chapter doesn't feel finished. I almost expect the faker to attempt to convince me that home-made Chicken Noodle soup is the only thing that can help her. Although I have plenty of hair, I don't want to start pulling it out.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

How Important Is It To You

Below is a great poem written by Linda Ellis. It was shown to me by a friend. It is very similar to a poem of mine, which may be posted soon. I am curious to know if you have read this poem prior to me posting it and your thoughts after reading the poem. The concept behind the title of the poem is the thought behind the name of this Blog. I am currently at a stage in my life where my life's meaning is a hot topic (probably to me only). It wasn't long ago that my biggest decision was STUDY or PARTY. Somehow, I am now concerned with how can I contribute to improving my community. This started before the country got high off of Obama (it has intensified since though).


The Dash
by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke of the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard;
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
With your life's actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

© 1996 Linda Ellis

Friday, March 27, 2009

Last Exit On The Road To REDEMPTION

The following article was taken from http://www.cnn.com/
I've stayed away from inviting conversations regarding T.I.'s situation. However, I do have a strong opinion on all that has transpired since his most recent arrest. I am curious to know what all of you think. Feel free to comment on the charges, trial, community service, and sentencing. This weekend I will post my comments and share my thoughts.


By Lateef Mungin of CNN

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- World famous rap star T.I. was sentenced in Atlanta federal court Friday to one year and one day in prison and ordered to pay a $100,300 fine on weapons charges related to purchasing machine guns and silencers.

T.I., whose real name is Clifford Harris, has mentored at-risk students as part of his community service.

The rapper, whose real name is Clifford Harris, reached the terms of the sentence in a plea agreement with prosecutors last year.
He also was sentenced to some property forfeiture, supervised release for three years after his prison sentence, 365 days of home confinement (he has already served 305) and 1,500 hours of community service (1,030 served).
He also must undergo DNA testing, drug counseling, cannot own firearms and must submit to reasonable searches and a financial audit.
The plea agreement, which federal authorities called unique, allowed the rapper to remain out of prison for a year while he performed community service.
In that time, he mentored at-risk students at 58 schools, 12 Boys & Girls Clubs, nine churches and many other nonprofit organizations, according to court documents.
Meanwhile, T.I., 28, has released his sixth CD, "Paper Trail," which has sold close to 2 million copies, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
The multiplatinum rapper also has starred in the MTV reality show, "T.I.'s Road to Redemption: 45 Days to Go," which chronicles his efforts to shave years off his sentence by completing his community service. The show features him talking to students and community groups "about how to avoid the trouble he now finds himself in," according to the network's Web site.
"It's been rewarding in the sense that it takes my mind off my own personal circumstances when I focus the attention on helping others," he said about his time spent doing community service. "And that way, I've definitely been able to appreciate the ability to turn my negative part of my life into a positive."
Harris recently talked to CNN about learning from his mistakes.
"You shouldn't take the things that I've gone through and the negative parts of my life and admire me for that," Harris said. "If anything, admire me for how I've accepted responsibility for the part I've played in placing myself in these situations and what I've done to recover from it."
Harris starred in the film "ATL" and could be seen in Chevy commercials with NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. Harris was named to the Forbes list of top-earning rappers in 2006, banking an estimated $16 million.
Later, Harris' fall from grace was sudden and dramatic. He was arrested in October 2007 in an Atlanta parking lot hours before he was to perform at the BET Hip Hop Awards.
Harris was caught in a federal sting after his bodyguard-turned-informant delivered three machine guns and two silencers to him, prosecutors said.
Harris had provided the bodyguard with $12,000 to buy the weapons. Harris was not permitted to own any guns, however, because he was convicted in 1998 on felony drug charges, including possession of crack cocaine with intent to distribute in Cobb County in suburban Atlanta.
For his court hearing Friday, Harris' attorneys submitted more than 100 letters from officials who thanked him for his community service since the weapons arrest.
One of the letters was from Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears, who said Harris did an "outstanding job" talking to a group of teenagers about not breaking the law.
"If only one young person in that courtroom listened to Mr. Harris, and I believe they all did, we are all better for it," Sears wrote. "He was honest, humble and inspirational."

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Why I'm Here

My purpose for blogging is to provoke some thought. Some topics will be deep and controversial, while others are clearly just what I'm thinking at the moment. Either way, I hope the purpose is achieved. I recently learned that writing soothes me. On occasion I will share some poetry, mostly mine, that will help to convey my thoughts. Playing with my dogs (literally, not slang for friends) is the other major stress reliever / mind clearer for me.
If it isn't clear yet, I want to admit now to being new to this BLOGGING PHENOMENON. When I ask myself if I can create a buzz, my answer is YES I CAN (you have to know where that came from). Well, now you have a slight idea of my intentions. I hope I have piqued your curiosity enough for you to return.