So, today I had a thirty minute conversation with a total stranger about our dogs. He had a female Red Nose Pit Bull. I was with my two dogs. Nearly an hour after the conversation with this stranger ended, I realized how much the both of us know about our pets. However, the conversation also showed me how little I know about my ancestry. I can tell anyone who wants to listen about at least four generations from my dogs pedigree. Unfortunately for me, I don't know nearly as much about my family tree. Family has always been a touchy subject for me. Those of you that follow my blog (or know me) may know the two - three strong relationships I have with relatives.
I recently realized that I often date women that have close knit families. Maybe I want my view of the perfect family so bad I am willing to get it from another person's family. Maybe I've given up on achieving that level of trust and comfort from my own family. Either way, it is very scary for me to accept. I wonder if my disinterest in researching my family tree stems from the poor relationships I have with the relatives I can see and touch now. Maybe I fear the possibility that I will find something that will cause me to further question who I am. So, what do I do now? Admitting an issue is the first step, right? Should I attempt to repair some of the sour relationships I currently have with family members? Should I start aggressively researching my family's past. I may keep you posted on some of these answers.
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My mother said "the unexamined life is not worth living." Sometimes hiding from information causes us to miss information that might be enlightening, empowering or liberating." You need to face it before you can conquer it.
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