What do you do when you create a lie to hide the truth and sometimes that lie hurts more than the truth you're attempting to ignore? What are your options when you start believing your lie? Even worse, what happens when you no longer recognize that it was once a lie? Unfortunately, for more than half of my life I have only considered five of my relatives to be my family (at various times this number went to three). In a recent post, I Have Two Purebreds, but..., I admitted that all of my girlfriends worth mentioning have close knit families. I can now confess that I have always envied those that looked forward to family reunions, holidays, and family functions primarily because it was another chance to see family. In fact, I have often been accepted as family at these events by the families of close friends. Although true friendship is invaluable, there should be no bond stronger than that of family. Yeah, that shit sounds good...but that wasn't my reality.
As is often the case, a recent tragedy reminded me the importance of seizing opportunity. It also showed me that a united family can, at the very least, make difficult challenges possible to overcome. I'm currently no where near thinking I am part of a united family, but I can say my family has it's united groups. This isn't all bad. This shows me unlimited possibilities...all in due time. Will my family ever mimic the Cosby's or the Wayans'? Probably not, but I'm currently willing to accept any improvement from the current situation.
It took the death of a relative, sympathy for a loved one, and my discomfort with the aforementioned loved one traveling on the road for at least twelve hours in one day for me to see some relatives that I hadn't seen (or thought of) in a decade. Even after that, it took me seeing several people in pain and an unforeseeable breakthrough, which initially looked like a breakdown, for me to get to the point of wanting some change.
The truth hurts. These words have been said together many times. I chose the title of this post because I may have finally realized that I need a better sense of family to ever attain the level of success that I truly feel is in my destiny. If you know me, you know that hurts. Being a sociable loner isn't going to work forever.
